How To Wear Hospital Gowns For Dummies 101

So, according to patients of many different races, shapes and sizes, there are many several ways to wear a hospital gown. That is, a gown (material or paper) roughly knee length (or floor length for shorties) that have two even holes on one end of the rectangular shaped material.

THE PROPER WAY:

Slip both arms through the only two holes on the gown (that way is up).
The opening of the gown is at the back, which is wide enough to overlap and cover the patient (most patients).
There is a waist tie at the front which goes around the waist and ties at the back to keep the gown ON.

VARIATIONS:

- Head in Hole Style
These are the type of people who feel like they need to feed their head through something in order to "put something on". So find the first hole they can find and try to squeeze their head through that arm hole. And whatever's left of the gown, just drapes down to cover the rest of them. The gown is held on by the lop-sided waist tie.
This method is actually not too bad as it somehow does it's job, that is to cover up the patient.

- Apron Style
This one's a classic. I rofl with this one ahaha...
Ok, it was a female patient who managed this one.
Basically, in the middle of the rectangular gown is the waist tie. And at the mid point, the patient folded the gown in half and tied it around her waist. This was only because she needed her pants off, so i guess she figured that only her bottom half needed covering up. Fair enough...

- Frontal Openings
This is when after you've instructed them to have the opening at the back, they always manage to skip that "opening at the back" part and just have the gown open at the front with the waist tie barely holding the gown closed at the front (showing their cleavage...nice - NOT!)

- Frontal Openings and Hanging
This is a blokey thing and an old grandma thing. They just dont care.
Gown opening at the front and hanging loose with the ties not tied.
So basically, they'd wear it like a coat/jacket - sometimes with no undergarments underneath...

- Boob-tube Style
Same folding pattern at the Apron Style but this time is applied above the boob level - worn like a boob-tube...

- Tarzan Drapes
This is where one slips the gown through one arm and not the other, with the opening posteriorly. This style is intentional for such procedures as a shoulder injection.

Some patients just don't have the creativity or the sense of how to put one on. So they just sit there and wait and tweedle their thumbs.

If anyone has any other suggestions on how to put on a hospital gown, pls feel free to add to the list. There are some really creative ppl out there.